Updated: Oct 12, 2020
We have all felt at some stage in our lives that we want to run away from a friend or friendship group. It may have been a feeling of being left out of an event or conversation or that you are feeling overwhelmed by your own current situation which makes facing your usual group just too much. We can feel hurt, sometimes because of our mood, wanting to detach to either prove a point that we are annoyed or to nurse our hurt feelings.
It’s even worse for many now with social media and instantaneous updates of where everyone is at all times of the day and night. Nobody posts updates of themselves being bored or sitting alone, or cooking dinner, ironing or doing any of the many other mundane things we may do throughout the day!
It’s actually fine if you know this is the aim of the social media posts and photos; if you realise that it doesn’t tell the whole story. But at some stage you may be caught up in feeling bad. Maybe you’re a bore? People haven’t asked you to join in, or people are just always having more fun than you; bigger and better lives and just generally ‘more’.
There is a time, however, when you need to check-in with yourself and ask whether these friends are actually worth your time and emotional investment. Maybe they were never nice people and the group just formed out of some sort of connection or necessity?
Have a little think about these 10 questions you may want to consider before cutting all ties with a friend?
1) Do you need to allow some time and space for your friends?
2) Are you seeing them too much?
3) Is it time to move on and set boundaries?
4) Is it You that never organises anything and always expects to be included?
5) Do you ever show concern for anyone else or give of yourself?
6) Is your friendship group saying more about you than you care to realise?
7) Do you treat people and hold conversations with others like you wish to be treated and talked
8) Are you allowing your friends to hang out with others freely and not always wanting or feeling the need to be included?
9) Do you return messages in a timely manner and stay connected even if you get busy?
10) Are they hurting you more than once or twice?
These are just some great ways to check-in. You, and only you, in your quiet and reflective state will know if your friends are truly great, and that you just need to connect better. Or maybe it’s time to invest in more quality, deeper, friendships and become more select.
Always remain mindful that, if you’re not happy in your own life, you may wish to run away from a fear of being questioned by friends. Or maybe you have no more emotional warmth to give? But this is your stuff and sometimes friends don’t always know the best thing to say or do to help you. Allow a little space, but then communicate your needs. Your friends’ willingness or ability to help may surprise you.
The most important thing to remember? Always realise that if you are friends with yourself, and love and respect the time you spend with yourself, the less rocky the state of outside friendships will be.
Life & Business Coach