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When kids become independent. What happens to mum?

Updated: Jun 2, 2020

It’s quite timely that I write about this topic. A new year of high school kids have graduated, some of them are starting tertiary education and some of them are off travelling the world.

What happens to the Mums left behind when our our children spread their wings?

This is an interesting topic and one that can be the cause for celebration or for misery. Many women around the time when their kids enter teenage years and university years go into a slight slump or depression.  It's not that women are unhappy that their kids are entering the next stage; it is after all a very natural progression. For mums, however, this can be a change to the relevance we have to our child’s life.

Mum life
Mum life

When we nurture our little babies from the beginning, we get into a routine and pattern.  Family life runs relatively smoothly, everyone pretty much knows the routine and what the flow is.  When our kids become teenagers they want to exert their power, ideas and strength into everything they do.  Home and school life can be effected and girlfriends/boyfriends enter the scene with another dynamic, as well as wanting to go out, alcohol and sometimes drugs. All this is totally normal and we all went through the same stages when we were young.


We mums know that this is natural and the next stage, although we do get thrown around the room emotionally when trying to sort out the new world order at home.  I’m sure everyone of us can say that kids don’t want to help empty the dishwasher, take the rubbish out, tidy their room, least of all listen to our nagging and instructions. We hate having to scream and nag! Do they honestly think we get a buzz?  Lets get this straight, neither do we…!


As our teenagers head off to study, work or travel, there is a change in the household and our role with them directly. All this change isn’t just going on for them, we as mothers are also changing and trying to adapt and find our own way.  It doesn’t matter if you work full time or not. With menapause and hormonal disturbances possibly starting anywhere from early 40’s onwards, our own personal changes can add to the complexity of this stage in our lives. You need to become attuned to your body and read any emotional signs and body changes.


Whatever your scenario is, stop and have a little think about the things that personally make you happy. I don’t mean quick fixes like a massage or shopping (whilst fun at the time).. I mean what makes us truly happy at a deeper level.


I also think that for many women, we also need to adapt and change as our kids are adapting and changing. This can be a very exciting time in our lives, or we can be feeling depressed and resentful if feeling taken for granted or. Being pro-active with change is going to get you into a totally different mind set and energy within your life. Being mindful of this may help you plan and be ready for the change in your kids and your role.  I love my kids to bits and they have been my greatest achievement, but I also realise I need to back away and think and do things for Me.


Things you can try are; working a few days a week, working full time, learning anything, any course, and skill.  Doing things a little differently.  Start a breakfast, lunch, dinner or coffee, time once a week with your partner, husband, or friends. Maybe a walking group.  A friend’s mother just started surfing lessons! If you have a husband/partner, try date nights, movie nights little driving trips, adventure weekends.  Hint… don’t invite the kids on those occasions. Seek some help to shake things up and create a list of things to do and change this year.


By you shaking things up you proactively start to stimulate your life and leave yourself open to learning and creating passions.


You can do all this exciting creating yourself but if you want a kick start you can book a one hour appointment privately to discuss directly with me.  The important thing is don’t leave it and let things just run.  If you do your life just runs and nothing changes until you kick yourself later.


Alexandra Andrews

Transformational, Life & Business Coach

email: alexandra@mypersonalcoach.com.au



Anxiety,Depression,Kids anxiety,kids grown up,reinventing yourself,Relationships,sadness,seperation anxiety,stress,stress with Teenagers,tools to help with Anxiety & Depression

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